I'm gonna make with the funny ALL week in LA. I'm gonna perform on Friday at some coffee shop that my friend Jeff gigs at. He says it's pretty rockin'. On wednesday I'm gonna stand in line all day so I can get onstage at the Laugh Factory and there's an open mic on Tuesday. Durring the day on Saturdays and Sundays I'll be entertaining little kiddies along with The World Famous Lizard Boy. Then of course on Saturday we're takin' over the Knitting Factory. I'm sure gonna feel lame returning to my day job after a week of livin' the dream.

This has been such a great run. We had a great little wrap party at the theatre to close out the run. I got this cool toy for my birthday. It's essentialy the old Atari 2600 but they fit it all into just a joy stick. You plug the joystick into a tv and voila you got 10 old school games. Breakout, Centipide, Pong, Missile Command and more. We plugged it into Ducky's projector so we had one whole wall of Video game. It's the fantasy we all had at age 9 of what adult would be like. Mel kicked everyone's but at Breakout. Drunk Tom and Gary did their best, but Mel couldn't be beat. Miles and Amber brought loads o' eighties music, Sid danced her heart out to some Klaus Nomi, who's name I'm certainly spelling wrong. Ben and I busted out a little breakdancing action, Xeno and Amy Anne played Xenophilia songs in the courtyard leading a few neighbors to come join the fun. Amy Anne's new Beau did some mighty purty singin'. Emily yay and my sweetie Bryna sat around and giggled like they've been doing together since they were 14 or so, and Shelly (Ben's Amore) gave us all a lesson in bootie shaking. Tom, who left the troupe a couple shows back came to see if we were doing justice to the skit he authored, "D'Harlin's Big Break". He stuck around for a litte bit of party action. I hope he sees fit to throw us some more scripts, he's written some of our best stuff. Tim and Anne Marie, the lighting and sound geeks, stuck around and Tim played bass with Xenophilia which he'll be doing with them at the big Sammies show as well.
We'll be living it up after our LA show as well. I'm lookin' foward to it. Peace,

Well due to the War and rumors about the Oscar's being shifted and taurus being in the seventh moon The Knitting Factory has changed their schedule and we will not be doing two shows. The show on the 5th is cancelled and instead we do one supershow on the 12th. Yahoo! We'll sell the place out and have LA beggin' for our return. San Francisco still rolls along as planned.

AHHHHHHH, It's DONE! Finally, the Sacramento leg of the tour is wrapped. Not that it wasn't a blast, but we were in a new theatre competing against acting classes for rehearal time, Amber got trapped in Denver by the Blizzard and missed two shows, Xeno, I, and Ben all got sick durring the run, and right before our big closing weekend the country goes to war, despite the fact that we asked George bush to put it off a couple weeks so we could finish the tour. I can breath again. YESH! It was a blast though, and the laughs came fast and furious. I can't wait for LA and SF. YEAH!
Next up, The ICBINC CD. YO!

Someone sent me a list of French companies to boycott. Here's my response, followed by the original e-mail I was sent including the list. Enjoy they typos and spelling errors, I just don't feel like spending my time lookin' up words.

Thanks for the list. I'll be sure to buy all these products to thank the French for trying to stop this insane war. Do you realize how dangerous a precedent this sets. If we can make a pre-emptive attack, peace will not be seen again for a long time. Why do you think we got so much support when we went after the terrorists in Afganistan and we're getting so much heat about going into Iraq? We said they were linked with Al Queida but we couldn't find the proof. We said they had weapons of mass destruction and so they had to let the inspectors in or we'd attack. They let the inspectors in. The inspectors themselves said that Iraq was cooperating. We attack anyway! The documents proving they tried to buy Uranium from Africa turned out to be forged and the alluminum rods we found turned out not to be weapons grade, to be useless for weapon making in fact. We have no proof, no smoking gun, no reason to be causing countless deaths, destroying the European Union and the UN, threatening peace and stability the world over.
I'm gonna have some french dressing, french fries, some french toast with maple syrup from from French Canada, I'm gonna french kiss my girl and then have me some sex while wearing a french tickler. Viva La France. Then I'm gonna send your little list to to all the peace nicks I know so we all can buy French products and thank the French for trying to stop this insane war. Hell I might even talk to a French person, which is realy something cuz I don't like French People.
Au Revoir,
Francois Fly

PS: Hey folks on my list, don't be mistaken, I do know the French were just looking after their money just like us, but the DID try to stop the war.



>>French Products and Companies to Boycott

Dozens of readers have written in asking for a list of French companies products to boycott. After all, some are well known, but many are not. Here goes.

Air France. Air Liquide. Airbus. Alcatel. Allegra (allergy medication). Aqualung (including: Spirotechnique, Technisub, US Divers, and SeaQuest). AXA Advisors

Bank of the West (owned by BNP Paribas). Beneteau (boats). BF Goodrich (owned by Michelin). BIC (razors, pens and lighters). Biotherm (cosmetics). Black Bush. Bollinger (champagne).

Car & Driver Magazine. Cartier. Chanel. Chivas Regal (scotch). Christian Dior. Club Med (vacations). Culligan (owned by Vivendi).

Dannon (yogurt and dairy foods). DKNY. Dom Perignon. Durand Crystal

Elle Magazine. Essilor Optical Products. Evian.

Fina gas stations and Fina Oil (billions invested in Iraqi oil fields). First Hawaiian Bank.

George Magazine. Givenchy. Glenlivet (scotch).

Hennessy. Houghton Mifflin (books).

Jacobs Creek (owned by Pernod Ricard since 1989). Jameson (whiskey). Jerry Springer (talk show)

Krups (coffee and cappuccino makers).

Lancome. Le Creuset (cookware). L'Oreal (health and beauty products). Louis Vuitton.

Marie Claire. Martel Cognac. Maybelline. Méphisto (shoes and clothes). Michelin (tires and auto parts). Mikasa (crystal and glass). Moet (champagne). Motel 6. Motown Records (????). MP3.com. Mumms (champagne).

Nissan (cars; majority owned by Renault). Nivea. Normany Butter.

Parents Magazine. Peugeot (automobiles). Pierre Cardin. Playstation Magazine. ProScan (owned by Thomson Electronics, France). Publicis Group (including Saatchi & Saatchi Advertising).

RCA (televisions and electronics; owned by Thomson Electronics). Red Magazine. Red Roof Inns (owned by Accor group in France). Renault (automobiles). Road & Track Magazine. Roquefort Cheese (all Roquefort cheese is made in France). Rowenta (toasters, irons, coffee makers, etc.). Royal Canadian.

Salomon (skis). Seagram's Gin. Sierra Software and Computer Games. Smart & Final. Sofitel (hotels, owned by Accor). Sparkletts (water, owned by Danone). Spencer Gifts. Sundance Channel.

Taylor Made (golf). Technicolor. T-Fal (kitchenware). Total gas stations.

UbiSoft (computer games). Uniroyal. Universal Studios (music, movies and amusement parks; owned by Vivendi-Universal). USFilter.

Veritas Group. Veuve Clicquot Champagne. Vittel. Vivendi.

Wild Turkey (bourbon). Woman's Day Magazine.

Yoplait (The French company Sodiaal owns a 50 percent stake).

Yves Saint Laurent.

Zodiac Inflatable Boats.

P.S.: Thanks to GOP lawmakers, cafeterias in the U.S. House of Representatives will today start offering "freedom fries" instead of you know what.

(I love the ending. You Know What. They're not even gonna say French anymore!?!? FRENCH FRENCH FRENCH!)

Click HERE, read the statement and if you agree, sign and hit send. Consider inviting all those on your e-mail list to sign also. It's not immoral to continue to protest as our troops roll in. We are not jeapordizing their lives, we are working to save many soldiers lives. Iraq is one country on the Hawks list of many. We must stop this new foreign policy of pre-emptive strikes. What a horrible, horrible mistake our president is making.

I realize all of you have the potential to strike me at any time, and that is why I will be administering pre-emptive noogies to one and all. I've got a right to protect myself and I love freedom and puppies and Christmas.

We're at war. The world asked us not to, and now that we've launched up to 40 missiles in an attempt at assasinating Saddham Hussein, we can see how the rest of the world responds. I'm numb. Saddham is such an awful person but the world is full of awful people in power and I think this is a very dangerous way to deal with them. If we want to make ourselves safer from terrorism we should be working to show our support of peace and humane aid throughout the world. The US spends less, percentage wise, on humanitarian aid then any of the other "first world" countries.
I have a sinus infection.
We have to go onstage tommorow despite the fact that most folks will be at home watching the war.
Amber is stranded out of state. Stuck by a big nasty blizzard. Hopefully she gets back in time for the show.
I'm going to try to sleep.
Not much of a comedy blog tonight, sorry.
It'll be interesting to see what kind of world we get to live in.

Here's a letter we recieved along with my response.

Hello Gang, or Subdivision:

I just have a little question. Is your performance in Sacramento
something that a nine year old and a twelve year old could attend,
comfortably, for them, and the rest of the audience? They're both boys,
so they love anything that is crude or rude, they're familiar with Mad,
and the Simpsons, and they know quite a few underground cartoonists,
socially (as social as they can be among their parent's friends).
They've seen at least one of their parents' male friends dressed as a
woman ...

They're that kind of kids!

But let me know, would their attendance be appropriate? Or should I
lock them in the dungeon?

Regards,
name with held but I'll put it in if'n it's ok


and my response:
YAY, The Simpsons!!!! YAY!
Oooh, and Mad magazine is the greatest influence any young mind could ask for, or they were before they started taking ads anyway.
I'll let you decide. The show has a scene with a father daughter sex talk. The talk is clinical and graphic but respectful. I'd much rather have a child of mine get their information on sex this way then from the "Exploit woman while making sure their nipples are covered" style TV shows.
I'll leave it up to you. Other than that the show does have some dark humor, some sex joke delivered by a prostitute promoting her profession, and some "Foul" language. I love the foul language.
I'm guessing the idiots that rate movies would give us an R rating. So long as I know the parents are well informed as to what we're all about I am totally comfortable with kids in the audience.
Ok,
Peace,
KLJ

This is a letter I've sent to the NRA. I'm awaiting a response!

I'm interested in starting a Vegan and Atheist chapter of the NRA. I'm wondering if such is allowed.
Many see these beliefs as disparate, but I am vegan and an Atheist and I feel I have a right to defend myself and my home. I know many atheists, vegans and vegetarians who feel the same.
I feel very strongly that People should decide on their beliefs topic by topic and not just subscribe to some group thought.
I hope you agree. I would love to see more atheist vegans admit that they are pro gun rights.
Thank you for your time,
Keith Lowell Jensen

Two weeks down and two to go before the Sacto run is done. Great crowds on Thursday and Friday this week. Too good on Thursday. Damn, those folks were on drugs or something. I felt like they were almost too easy. Maybe we were just realy on that night, but they'd laugh if we said hello! They'd laugh if we didn't say hello!!! We should pay them to come back every night. Papa Marx used to go out and round up kids to come in and laugh at the Marx Brothers. He'd let them in the show free and then feed them Streudel if they laughed at the gags.My dad doesn't make streudel, but I'm sure his wonderful pizzas would be reward enough for some laugh starters.
Thanks for all the Happy Birthday greetings. Man, I'm sure getting old. Good thing I'm in comedy, one of the few fields that doesn't seem to care if you're not young and pretty. Don't get me wrong, I'm still plenty pretty, but I don't know how long it'll hold out.
So this journal's interestin'. I want it to be an honest record of what this is like, doing these shows, but some honesty has to be saved until the tours over. Politics ya know. Be sure and check these pages when we get back from LA though. We'll have all sorts of tales from the front lines. The front lines of Sac and LA.
LA is shapin' up well. The guy who booked us, Bryan at the Knitting Factory, has been wonderful. He's helpin' get the word out, even going as far as taking flyers and hitting the Ellen Degeneres crowd. She just played The Knitting Factory. A couple of my friends are writing for her now. Pretty exciting. Jeff Cosgrave AKA The Kid, and Karen Anderson AKA my comedy mentor. Both of them are also stand up comedians so watch for their names. They're funny, funny people.
I wrote an article about what it's like to be in a stand up comedy competition and I mention both Karen and Jeff in it. Check it out HERE! The aritcle mentions Francois Fly too. This is the article that lead everyone to believe that Francois and I were one and the same. Nobody believes me when I tell 'em it was all a joke. Oh well.
Ah, blog blog blog blog, such mundane honesty.
Here's a Haiku

Yes I like Haiku
Yes, I have something to say
Go to hell, I'll use as many syllables as I damn well please. Bitch!

Yeah, ok bye

WE"RE GONNA BE ON TV!!!! Hell, Everyone wants to be on TV! Tuesday, March 18th, Good Day Sacramento will do a live feed around 9:30 AM from the Actor's Theatre where we're performing. Check it out!