Monday, December 29, 2003

Relief Rushed to Iran Quake Victims

Click here to see the American Red Cross page regarding the Iran Earthquake. Over 20,000 dead and so many more injured, homeless or missing. This would be the right time for the world to put aside all differences and take care of some people in need. You can donate to The Red Cross from the page I linked to above, or you can donate through British Red Cross, who seem more willing to take donation specifically for Iran. If anyone would like to send me information on other ways to help I will publish them as well.

Friday, December 26, 2003

Arts&culture - December 25, 2003
Click here to check out an article by our own Becca C telling of the new comedy club opening on Del Paso. Pretty exciting stuff. I can't wait for this fabulous new playground to be open.
First, let me say HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMBER KLOSS! We're so glad you and your butt were born!
Secondly, let me say that Amber and I had the most fun on Christmas Eve at the Haints and Anton show. It was warm and fuzzy and laugh out loud funny and everyone should come with us next year! I also saw It's a Wonderful Life at the Crest (thanks Sid!) and drove around the rich people's neighborhoods to gawk at their glorious light displays like the peasant I am. What an awesome Christmas Eve!
Christmas was beautiful too. The rain stopped leaking through my roof and the presents were saved! Xeno got me everything I ever even thought about wanting (I must have been very good this year!) including a DVD player. So KLJ - you know how you're always offering to lend me movies, but I always tell you I can't watch them because I only have a VCR? Well, I'm ready to borrow them ALL now. Bring 'em on. Do they make the Kids in the Hall on DVD? That's the first DVD I want to own.
Hey, I just realized I'll be able to watch the I Can't Believe It's Not Comedy DVD in the comfort of my own home too! (once we film it live at the Crest Theatre at 10pm on January 10 and you're all going to be there cheering in the audience, right?) It is a merry Christmas after all!
Hey all! Hope everyone had a swellarific Christmas! Christmas Eve the uber lovely and decked in pink Becca and I went to the True Love Cafe for their free show featuring the Groovie Ghoulies (as the Haints) and Anton Barbeau! It wasn't as crowded as we thought it would be, and Kevin Seconds even got her and I some seats and 'hostessed' us to a table, how kind! We saw Roach and Scampi of the Ghoulies go to a battle of chocolate with their advent calendars on stage, it was fun! Afterwards I talked to Kepi who said they should be making our next comedy show! YAY!

Afterwards I went to the Raven and met up with some friends from SF and some Short Bus peeps and got our drink on. Yesterday I went to my families/ relatives house, drank lotsa wine, ate a lota food, got home by 3:00 pm and was bored, so I went to see 'Lost In Translation' with Mr. Hardcore rock star Mike Hood because he was being a bah humbug and had nothing to do....it was a pretty good movie except I'm never going to the movies with Mike again because he has ADD and can't sit still and focus watching movies and kept yelling "DO YOU WANT SOME POPCORN? ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T?" Nah I kid, but I had to keep telling him ssshhhhh! Afterwards we went to meet up with his friends, drank some beers then walked over to the Press Club (which was actually open on Xmas) and danced, and at midnight I made sure everyone knew it was my birthday and got free drinks!!!! YAY! Tonight for my birthday all the Short Bus Magazine people from LA, SF and Sac are in town so were all going to San Fran, getting a limo, eating at Cha Cha Cha’s, then catching shows/ drinking/ dancing at The Elbo Room and Make out Room! I can’t wait! This will be my 4th night in a row drinking too much, then tomorrow night I’m going to Jerry Perry’s bday party bash and am afraid I’ll be drinking again, I gotta stop.

Ambaholic.
p.s. here's a cute pic. I just got developed. Awwwww!

Wednesday, December 24, 2003

When you get evicted, Amber, remember that the apartment upstairs from me has been vacant for months. It looks just like mine, but reversed. I think they're trying to get $750 for it, but you might be able to talk them down. Also, one-time ICBINCer Xeno is looking for a roommate at his two-bedroom pad in Davis. I think the rent is $500. There's a jacuzzi, pool, workout room, free DSL and cable, plus you get to live with a rock star 24 hours a day! (And if anyone reading this is interested in living with a rock star in Davis - e-mail notcomedy@yahoo.com and we'll hook you up with the contact info. Just know that, if you take the room at Xeno's, you'll have to share it with Amber and all her band friends when she becomes homeless.)

In other news, Merry Christmas Not Comedians and friends! I'll see some of you at the True Love tonight for the free Kepi and Anton show!
Last night I had a pre-Lipstick cocktail party at my place, it was great had some rock stars there (5 of whom which walked up to my apartment EACH with a bottle of whiskey and their own glasses sipping alng the way), actors, film makers, photographers, writers, and I sat back thinking looking at everyone, 'I have some pretty fucking rad creative friends' and then I sat back and looked at the room again and realized 'I have about 12 hot guys in my apartment, and NO girls!' which Miles Miniachi pointed out at that point. But of course then towards the end of the party 2 of my uber cute girl friends I dance with every week came over, and then I wasn't the only girl anymore! :)

We ate chocolate fondu, had curry pizza-ettes, finished off lot's of wine and alkeehol, and yup...you guessed it, my annoying neighbor complained again, and I sware we were being quiet!!! I was so pissed, now I wanna move out and live with friends who are cool and wanna throw parties and listen to music till 3:00 am like I do. Damn. Afterwards, all our drunk asses walked over to dance at Lipstick and it was PAAAACKED! They weren't letting anyone in at that point, but the DJ let me and my friends get in...and for free, I was stocked! I had the best time, soem kind friends bought me some drinks, met soem cool new people, danced non-stop, closed the place down, went to an after party and got to sleep at 5:00 am. Rock n roll. And since this is the 'I Can't believe it's Amber's booty' blogger now, I'll have you all know my friend Emily grabbed my tush at least 5 times. That silly girl!

Amber

Tuesday, December 23, 2003

In the past, whenever knitting was called for in a skit, ICBINC merely mimed the time-honored yarn craft. Well, no more!
I am proud to announce that, for the first time ever, I Can't Believe It's Not Comedy will debut LIVE KNITTING! See no-holds-barred knitting live on stage at the free show on January 10 at the Crest Theatre. That's right, baby! We're talking full-on "knit one, purl two" action with size 10 bamboo needles and 100% cotton yarn, courtesy of Becca Costello.
Amber gets to play a porn star and have the entire blog named after her butt, Miles prances around in his underwear, Keith plays Jesus - but who gets the glamorous and mesmerizing role of "knitting woman?" Only Becca!
It's Christmas Eve eve, that is to say tomorrow is Christmas eve. Will the ICBINCers be out caroling? Last minute shopping? Drinking Becca's vegan eggnog spikeked with lighter fluid? No! HA! They'll be rehearsing under the whip of their oh so evil director! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! I'm pure evil I tells ya. PURE EVIL.

Saturday, December 20, 2003

What a glowing write up in Short Bus! I just read through the Blog before posting and caught it. Jeez, can we get Acosta a job at The Bee?

We had a cocktail party for Bryna's Birthdays last night. I say Birthday"s" because last year our shows went into early December and when her birthday rolled around we were all thrown into the holiday thing and so we gave her a raincheck on the celebration. Well, a couple of tours and another all original show later, it had been a year and we still hadn't cashed that rain check. Hence, last night we celebrated her 2002 Birthday from 8 p.m.-10 p.m. then her 2003 Birthday from 10:00 p.m. until the wee hours. Effecient aren't we?

Anway, the party was divoon. The theme was big clothes/tiny food (in other words dress cocktail and bring horse douvers). I think Keith wanted us all dressed up because that would put us on our best behavior and avoid such shenannigans as the "bring Mommy another cocktail" game.

The party went late into the night and we all sat and made the funny conversation and sipped a lovely assortment of beverages provided by our hosts mini-bar. Just when I thought we all seemed so grown up SACRAMENTO the renegade punk band showed up for an impromptu living room concert. These guys are great and if you ever have an encounter with them, you are one lucky kid! After the "show", I headed home. I fell asleep singing their finale number "The Dinosaurs died and we took over!"

Happy Birthday Bryna!

Friday, December 19, 2003

I'm a criminal...I got a notice on my door yesterday from a law office (unnamed) stating I'm guilty of a misdemeanor. I'm not even kidding, I know your all sitting there reading this waiting for a "AH I KID!" but I'm not. Apparently last weekend when I had my band pals stay with me for the weekend, it was too crazy. My property manager said she received 5 calls from my fellow tenants that there was a party till 3:00, loud music, people talking, pot smoking, lotsa drinking, trashing the place and too many people. Okay, now I know some of this is in fact true, but trust me readers, it's not as crazy as it sounds! I just gave some friends a place to crash, and sure we all partied a bit, pretty late, maybe a tad noisy, but I SWARE it wasn't that insane, definitely not cop worthy aiight!? I felt really bad though that I upset so many people that live there, I was going to have a party this next weekend, but after receiving that notice I don't think I will now, or maybe I will keep it to a minimum. Damn. Okay the misdemeanor I'm sure your wondering how that works the paper I received stated that: anyone who causes damage to others or property is guilty of a misdemeanor. There you have it. I truly feel bad, but it won't stop me from having people over, or friends crashing, or having a place for my friends bands stay instead of their vans! No way! I guess next time I'm just going to have to lay the law a little tougher when staying at "Casa Kloss". Tee hee. The funny part about it is, my property manager said someone described the motley crue with me as "young kids with long hair, tattoos...coming in and out of the complex" bwahahah!!!! My prop. manager was worried "I was getting involved with drugs and bands who are trouble...." Hmmmm...ME!? Nooooooooo! Watch out kids, you might seen me performing next in the episode of C.O.P.S rather than I can't believe it's not Coemdy!

Amber

Thursday, December 18, 2003

Oh, my goodness. We're rehearsing three different set lists right now. Our "It's Funny Because..." show to be done in SF, a 20 minute show for the SF Sketchfest and a best of set for our demo which we film in a couple of weeks. Lot's of work.
We're doing a cool new exercise though where we'll get in character for a skit and then the troupe members not in the skit will interview us and we have to answer in character. It's pretty fun and helpfull.

Tuesday, December 16, 2003



Ooh boy! The best part of the whole Short Bus article experience was looking on the front page of Shortbusmag.com for the teaser. It just says "It's Funny Because" and there's a close-up of Ben's crotch! Bwahahaha!
I want to know HOW Chris Acosta managed to swallow so much Visene?
Also, Amber's butt.
CLICK HERE TO READ SHORT BUS ARTICLE ON THE ICBINC!

Monday, December 15, 2003


So, you're a Koons fan, too, eh, Keith? Well, I say, Jesus, Michael Jackson--what's the diff? Actually, I was most impressed by the large scale sculptures he did of mylar balloon bunnies--some in excess of 20 or 30 feet--that I saw at the Museum of Mod art in LA. As for the history of the illustrious Eureka theatre, I'll just repeat my email that Tony and Pulitzer-winning playwright Tony Kushner has workshopped and premiered all of his plays, including Angels in America, at the esteemed Eureka, one of the most important theatres on the west coast...ICBINC in da house! BOO-YAH!!!

P.S.--Let go and let god, Amber.

One day at a time

Easy does it!

Keep coming back--it works!....if you work it.
I had the best DAMN weekend eva' ! Friday night I went to Distillery to see Amityville Horror, New Rock Militia and Black Saddle Hookers. I hung out with the lovely Robyn Rant at the show and we were making fun of everyone and just saying stupid shit, she so rawks. I met some really cool people at the show and had a blast, then I saw Mike Hood (from the Hoods...duh) he's back from tour and we talked till 3:00 and he kept making fun of me since I can't speak German as well as him, he's mean.
Saturday night after the WEst Coast Worldwide show I went out with Bleak December from L.A. who also played the show that night, we first went to the liquor store and they loaded up on some alkeehol (not all of them are straightedge kidz) then we went to Pieces and got some eats, all the dudes are hella funny, they all range from 15-22 years old so I told them I was their babysitter, tee hee, we were walking all over downtown handing out fliers for their show for the show next night, the show they had that night at west coast was awesome, they are an amazing hardcore band, very progressive and experimental, but don't take themselves so serious (their keyboard player at one point when he was playing wore a girly tank that sez: I (heart) Bleak December and some neon green speedos...and that's it, and everyone kept yelling "ROCK OUT WITH YOUR COCK OUT!!!" it's was heeeeelarious! After that they went to their hotel because they said they wanted to trash a hotel room...silly kids. After that I walked over to Distillery about 1:30 and hung out with all the kids and bands that played the west coast show that night that headed over there afterwards, then two of the bands that played at west coast that night (With all Sincerity: from Texas and Thirty Called Arson: from Oklahoma) crashed at my place, super nice dudes, they were all pretty young kids too 16-24...it was funny waking up to 10 rock stars sleeping on my floor...but the best part is and I totally mean this...they all play in these hardcore bands with screamy devil vocals..BUT one of them had a blanket with puppy dogs on it, and one had a pillow with trains and clowns on it! HA HA! Now THAT'S hardcore baby! Saturday all of us read music mags, listened to cd's and talked music shit...then loaded up in their van drove to Safeway to get stuff to make lunch with, we ran into Keith there (they thought you were rad too Keith!) after that they all make dinner, and then after we ate we went to Old Sac and went to some crazy candy store and ate a bunch of salt water taffy, then went to Downtown plaza and got in trouble for riding the bikes for sale in Copelands sports and just doing stupid stuff....after that we went to West Coast Worldwide for their show and rocked out...after that we all went to get pizza and beer with Mike Hood, then both bands, and Mike all went to the Distillery for their dance night and more drinks....then after that we bought more beer and Mike Hood let us all go back to West Coast Worldwide and we all sat on the stage and drank beer, talked about music and listened to some rap and hip hop. Rad. We all finally got home around 5:00 am and crashed. I am NOT drinking ever, ever, ever again. BUT I did not puke and am proud to say that. Anyway, here I am at work now, I just sent off 'With All Sincerity' and 'Thirty to Arson', they were so nice, they did all my dishes and cleaned everything this morning before they left. I was so sad when we said goodbye. I had the best laughs and time with all them dudes.....it was the best, I waved them all off goodbye I went into my kitchen and found my notebook and they all signed it with all these nice notes and memories from our weekend, but the best note one of them wrote was "sorry I puked in your bathroom" But now the parties over and I'm sad my new friends are gone...BUT I told them that the River Boat Gamblers who are from Texas as they are...want us to do a rock/comedy tour with us, and they all know the River Boat Gamblers...but they will help us out with promoting the show, give us a place to crash..etc...if we go out there.

I take back my previous blog earlier about hating rock stars by the way, these guys restored my faith! :D

I (heart) 'Thirty to Arson' and 'With all Sincerity'!
Amber
I love Jeff Koons. I don't recall him doing any Jesus figurines though. Miles, why don't you blog about he wonderful credentials of the Eureka Theater. Apparently folks, we're playing at a very well known, well respected theater. Ah, another notch in the old bed post of ICBINC. Please be assured we will still respect them in the morning, in fact we'll share our Cap'n Crunch and everything.

Sunday, December 14, 2003

I've got a "Secret Santa" story that just may top Becca's for humiliation value. For our work party/secret Santa blowout this year, I contributed some back issues of "Cat Fancy" (still trenchant reading, I assure you) which I was hard pressed to part with...actually, it was Amy's idea. Anyhoo, by the end of the gift exchanging frenzy, I had somehow received my heartfelt gifts BACK! Is this some kind of a first? Has anyone ever had a Christmas gift refused before? Is this worse than holding a garage sale where no one will stoop to buy the stuff you once bought (albeit for much more money)? Or is this merely karma for my "yard sale dirty sock" faux pas?

P.S.--Nix the porcelain figurines; Jeff Koons has already been there.

Saturday, December 13, 2003

Hey KLJ thanks for the link to the lovely porcelain Jesus figurines. I was wondering what I was gonna get Miles for Christmas. The Ballerinas with Jesus will be perfect. Hope he doesn't already have one...

Friday, December 12, 2003

Hee hee. Check this out. http://www.catholicsupply.com/christmas/othersports.html
They have statues of Jesus playing baseball, skiing, rollerblading, doing Karate. It's great. And the best part is THEY'RE TOTALLY SINCERE!
We just had a Secret Santa party at my work. For weeks, I've been leaving presents for my assigned person, but I haven't received any. I'd somehow convinced myself that my Secret Santa was just saving up all their attention for the last day and was going to present me with some lavish gift at the closing party. There were many such gifts at the party and, after they were all handed out, I didn't have one. Then everyone opened their presents one by one and tried to guess who their Secret Santa was. I was the last person and I had to admit that I didn't have a gift and I hadn't received anything this whole season. Then the man who checked the master list realized he'd forgotten to assign me to anyone. The entire room full of my co-workers turned to me, jutted out their bottom lips in unison and said, "Awwwwwwww...." with so much pity it nearly knocked me over. I felt like Tiny Tim without a crutch.
After the party, the organizer gave me $40 in Thai food trade to compensate, which is A-OK. Maybe I won't turn Bah Humbug quite yet.
In closing, I'd just like to remind everybody about Amber's butt.
Hey Amber, nice post, but what's it got to do with you're bootie. DID YA SEE THE NAME OF THE BLOG?

Thursday, December 11, 2003

Hey all...this weekend I booked two Short Bus Presents shows!
And Bleak December those nice boys with the hardcore screamy devil vocals we met in So. Cal are going to be playing Saturday and Sunday at West Coast Worldwide with some other awesome bands on some cool labels!!!!!

It's an underground show location so ya hafta email me if you wanna know where it's going to be amber@shortbusmag.com The shows are both at 7:00 and all ages!!!! This venue is INSANE!!!!! So come check it out if you can! It's going to be off da Mo fucking McHingezzz!!!!
Oh and I'm trying to plan a breakfast/ lunch something with Bleak December and With All Sincerity (another band playing this weekend, from Texas) with ICBINC, so I'll send out more info, I hope to see you ICBINCers this weekend!!!!!

Lord keep me away from those teenage boys!!

Amber
YAY, This is becoming the "Amber's Glorious Booty Blog." All Amber's booty all the time.

Wednesday, December 10, 2003

Nice article about avoiding the sin of oggling women, Keith. You know, maybe the Christians should take a tip from the orthodox Muslims and start covering up their women from head to toe. Then the whole eye-bounce thing is uneccessary.
My favorite confession: "On business trips, I still watched PG-13 rated movies." Like the Motion Picture Association's rating system is the true word of God on holy viewing material.
I also like how he had to distinctly describe (with numbers and in detail) the things he no longer looks at. "Female joggers in...tight...nylon...running shorts."
Just be free, Fred. Look at Amber's ass down there in that picture. It's ok. You're still a good person.

Tuesday, December 09, 2003

Amber, you just put that picture up cuz it's so flattering to your bootie.
But hey, if you want to use your bootie to sell tickets, by all means, be my guest.

Today I bring you a happy family picture someone sent me of ICBINC from our last show that makes me smile! (and our fabulous stage manager Bryna, she's the cutie in the blue bandana!)
I just love these people!!!!!

love and waffle cones;
Amber

Sunday, December 07, 2003

I'm perty darn excited. My friend Kendall did a few cartoons for Spike and Mike's Festival of Animation, and he did the Pizza Guys commercial with the talking italian stereo type pizza slices. He is building a studio in his backyard and is interested in working with us to do some animated versions of some of our skits. I'm thinking an Unborn Billy commercial for starters, but we can do tons more. I'll have him check out our stuff and then we can see which ones he thinks will work best. Woo hoo.

Friday, December 05, 2003

I just got back from Monterey. My girlfriend and I, got in some early celebrating of our upcoming 10th anniversary. 10 years!!! Holy bat poop.
We had a great time. She shopped around all over until she found the perfect place for poor people like us. We were right on the beach. Fireplace in the room. Just gorgeous.
We spent a day at the Aquarium looking at Jelly fish and all kinds of incredible stuff. We had the best Thai food at Amarin Thai (no relation to Sacramento's Amarin Thai, which is also quite yummy). I bought some comedy records and we did a bit of relaxin'.
Next year we'll stay longer.

Thursday, December 04, 2003

Last night, Amber and I went to see Jonathan Richman and the Haints at Harlow's. KLJ would have been jealous, 'cause he loves Jonathan even better than Amber and I (who just discovered him last year). Jonathan did a lot of zany dancing and sang beautiful songs about New York in the spring, Vincent Van Gogh, the smell of diesel gas and Mumia Abu-Jamal. He didn't sing about dancing in a lesbian bar, much to Amber's disappointment.
A little bit of trivia - St. Simon 3, the band that will be playing with us in San Francisco in February, also has a song about dancing in a lesbian bar. It's completely different, but lovely nonetheless. Perhaps they'll play it when YOU come to our shows.
In other news, I got a new haircut that makes me look like an actress on the WB or Friends. Also, I'm riding my bike to Sid's this afternoon where the world-famous Lizard Boy (who always lets us stay in his Hollywood apartment when we play LA) will be conducting a show-and-tell reptile show. Cockroaches, skinks, snakes and everything but iguanas! If you ever meet Lizard Boy, he will show you the big bite scar on his cheek and explain that iguanas are not good pets. Now you know.

Monday, December 01, 2003

Thank you, KLJ, for updating the cast page! Now I know you really like me (and my check must have cleared the bank).
I'm meeting Amber Kloss at the True Love tonight, if anybody wants to go. I can't get enough of those soy Kashmir Green Tea Lattes. Plus, it's always good for my social life to be seen out and about with Cookie Kloss. Just standing next to the glow of her shiny locks makes me more attractive somehow...
In January, the True Love is having "Mr. Show" month at the True Love Science Theater on Monday nights. They're going to watch all three seasons. I have never seen this show, but I crack up every time Amber and Keith act out one of the skits. I think ICBINC should make a pilgrimmage each week to watch it. Who's with me?

Sunday, November 30, 2003

Mmmm Mmmm. Waffles from The True Love Coffehouse. I pretended they were vegan. I'm so bad. Amber and I went around midnight and we chatted with Kevin Seconds and Kepi from the Groovey Ghoulies for awhile so we got to feel like cool kids. Alison (Kevin's wife, co-owner of the True Love and band mate) really wants us to perform there which would be great. Hopefully that will happen.
I had breakfast with Amber and Miles and Amy (Mile's cute girlfriend, and my secret crush, don't tell.) And yesterday we all had breakfast with Amber's mom, and Wednesday we all met for coffee. We're seeing too much of each other. It's sickening I tell you. All the love. Yuck.
Not that there's not some horrible uncomfortableness sometimes from having to change gears between being friends and then being director and actors. I often think this would be a better blog if we let ourselves air all that dirty laundry, but who wants to share that crap with strangers. Not I. We love each other enough, I perfer our dirt to be private.

Anyway, I FINALLY updated our cast page so you that our adorable newest cast member is on it. You'll notice Ducky and Jonathon are gone, though I should have left Jonathon on. He did a film for our newest show which means that even though he officialy quit, we still haven't done a show without one of his films in it. He quit because he no longer has access to a DV camera and because he's working a-lot on his own projects, which he's shooting on film. Ducky is gone because the day job just wasn't leaving him time for our crazy schedule, but I'm sure we'll have him as a guest in the future.

I'm up late, very late for me, so now I've got my damned second wind and I don't want to go to bed. Goodnight.

Friday, November 28, 2003

Thanksgiving is over and I still got three more days of not having to work. Verry nice. How great to get the damn holiday out of the way first and then go enjoy the rest of the break.
I saw all my brother, their wives, the many nephews and nieces. We've gotten to be quite a big clan. Then I went to my girlfriend Bryna's family's thanksgiving dinner. Four sisters, one nephew, and uncle, a grandma and a ma. Them girls better start crankin' out the babies if they hope to catch up with my family.
We ended the evening by heading to our pals Johnny Ziptie (he worked lights at our last show) and Amalia's house. We watched Adaptation, more on that later. It was a nice way to end the evening. Now I'm gonna go crash. Happy Thanksgiving.

Wednesday, November 26, 2003

Would you believe I met Adam Green? Would you believe I sat in the tour van with the band? Would you believe I was invited to stay at the Phoenix Hotel with the Moldy Peaches? Yes, it's all true. And the sad part is, I was really tired that day and I said no and went home to bed. Just like I did when Amber invited me to go meet the rock stars she ended up hating on Monday night.
Two things - 1) I'm sorry Amber. If I could have switched places so you could have met Adam Green instead, I would have.
2) I sure hope all this sleep I'm getting pays off someday. It's sure not livening up my social life or clearing up my complexion.

Happy Thanksgiving, ICBINC and fans! See you at the True Love once my tofurkey's all basted.

YAY! Tonight everyone in ICBINC (and some additional pals) are getting together at The True Love Cafe @ 8:30 for coffee and hugs! Anyone is invited, maybe we'll try some new material on you or spill some ICBINC secrets. I just love my comedy troupe pals, they ARE my family, I could see them every day of the week and not get sick of them, and I love my friends, and puppy dogs, and rainbows and ice cream and vodka and I love Adam Green more than the crap part about puppies and rainbows. WHAT!? You don't know who he is!? (www.adamgreen.net) I'll even include his dreamy picture for you the listeneres....sigh. I'm going to bake him some cookies.
love and peanut butter; Amber

Tuesday, November 25, 2003

Nice Blog about the evils of Rock Stardom Amber. Hey, our friend Cheese, the stand up comedian who opened our show two Saturdays ago has his own online comic. Check it out. www.badlydrawnrobots.com!
I FUCKING HATE ROCKSTARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wait, let me reinstate that, I don't hate all rock stars, I hate wanna be rockstars, and the pretentious asshole ones, the rest I love. BUT last night I had a certain interview, with a certain up and coming NY band, signed on a certain major label...a band I saw 5 months ago and chatted up a bit and were super cool then, I had the interview with them last night in San Fran.

So it goes something like this, I contacted their British Accented Touring Manager (still not sure if it was real or faux yet) who was incredibly nice, I got free drinks, gotta go backstage and chill with the 3 bands, then came the interview time. Mind you I typically prefer doing interviews BEFORE the band play therefore avoiding any under the influence challenges we'll face, but they were only able to schedule my interview after the show. So I hesitantly agreed. One of the guys in the band (the nice-sober one) led me to corner where the other three members were, drinks lined up for all, looking high and stoned, tired and just crazy. I knew as soon as I approached them, this is the type of interview I knew one day I was going to have that would be a challenge, the interview I dreaded. But I bit my lip, took the last gulp of my vodka martini and proceeded to sit on the couch right in between rock star "A" and "B" and immediately hit the red record button on my recorder.

They were a combination of the combined attitudes of drunk, stoned, obnoxious, perverted, loud, vague and well, just very rock star. I decided I was going to ask them all the non-music related question, the stupidest ones just to mess with them, so I directed my first question to the lead singer who is always compared to playing/ looking like Mich Jagger: "so what is the staple food you must have when touring" he: "I don't eat" which of course didn't surprise me looking at his skinny assless ASS! They continued to talk out of place, say the stupidest things and just whine, they have a major label, a world tour, a private bus, alcohol, drugs, (however there wasn't a groupie in sight last night which kinda surprised me) and a contract and are whining about how they don't like to tour. I stuck around for about half an hour.

After 3 of the 4 members passed out on the couch next to me I was finished speaking to the last alert member in his ruffly polka dot shirt and purple velveteen pantsuit, and once I clicked off the recorder I said, "there aren't you just thrilled it's over? Was it that bad?" and he sincerely said "I'm sorry, were all just very honest and well, I'm burned out from touring and I miss everyone back home and I just wanna be back home" I think that was the most honest answer out of all I received the whole night getting the feeling they were sick of interviews asking about their favorite place to tour when all in they just wanted to play NY. I left just feeling kinda...dirty? I felt sorry for them for some of the things I heard and saw, even though I started pissed off at them, I stuck it out, when the obvious choice might have been to say 'fuck off' and leave, but I stayed till the boys passed out and finally got a little truth in the end. I fee like I experienced a sort of new realization or water shed as a fringe non-pro journalist, I guess. I do about 3 bands interviews a month and this was the most interesting ever and taught me a lot.

All in all, I left after seeing their liquored up non day job rock star touring lifestyle thinking, "One day I wanna be a drunk strung out performer who sits backstage to get interviewed by some non Rolling Stone journalist and just say stupid things" one day right? Maybe.....well until I see you rock stars next time (their name still goes unwritten, unless you ask me) however I'll post their picture here in case you recognize them.

Then I got a call from the PR guy in NY from Capitol Records asking me how the interview went.....ouch! Wanna know how they are REALLY spending the $$$ your giving them?

much love and cocaine;
Amber

p.s. All in all, I met Cyril Jordan backstage last night and AGAIN (2nd show night in a row) saw the drummer from AFI and all the Donna's were there last night. Glee.


Sunday, November 23, 2003

Here's some samples of the fan mail we've gotten for the new show:

"We were quoting lines from your skits and laughing all the way home! I would love to come support you wherever you are playing - and if I can help in any way other than to sit in the audience and laugh my ass off, let me know!"

"Let me say how much I enjoyed your show at the Gallery Horse Cow! Fabulous! A few of the high points for me were the Jesus Christ CEO skit, the Happy Somethin or other Playhouse with the box and the hands, the Pizza Sluts porn skit, and of course Drag Man! Thanks again for the laughs!"

" Hey! Just wanted to drop you a line to tell you I had a blast enjoying the madcap weekend comedy production "I Can't Believe It's Not Comedy". Seriously, some of those skits were really hilarious. Onomatopoeia. I was sitting there thinking,"If these people were on TV doing this stuff, I would watch it." And I HATE TV! (Thank you for pointing that out, by the way)"

"i don't know where you guys come up with those sketches, but i've had a lot of experience with mind-expanding drugs in the past, but never could've come up with anything as imaginative. and you're like a female jim carey and i mean that as the highest of compliments. you [addressed to Amber] can make a million different faces and that's so awesome! so anyways, just wanted to let you know that i had a great time laughing until my mascara was smeared down to my knees."

"I liked the Pro Life/Pro Choice sketch, It's funny because, and the puppet show, and I couldn't stop saying, "Wake up James" all the way home last night."

That last quote there was from Brian, who produces The Free Hooch Comedy Troop. He's the fella opening the club on Del Paso where I'll be hosting a Thursday night comedy show starting in January. We have lots more mail. This show seemed to really affect people, which is encouraging because we took a-lot of risks on this one. Thanks to everyone who wrote.

Wednesday, November 19, 2003

Woooh, glad we survived that one. This was a rough show, mainly because we were just out of the habit of putting together new material, with new props and all the rest. It came off wonderfully though. I've been home sick ever since. Thanks Ben! Bastard. Actally, Ben is the champion of this show because he stuck it out and performed even though he was on death's door. The show must go on.

Tonight, as I went to get cough medicine I was recognized by the girl at the counter. She had come to the show and is now a fan.

Our next show will be a free show, that we are filming. YAY! It will be much fun. At The Crest no less! See you there.

Tuesday, November 18, 2003

FUCK YEAH.

The fun and excitement I know I, and all experienced this weekend at our shows was better than any sort of sex, drugs, alcohol, or candy. Lord have mercy I'm still jazzed! I can't thank everyone who came out and help sell out every show and for the standing 'O' we got Saturday night (blush) your all family now.

We had the best looking, hip and talented audience of fellow Sac artists supporting us right back: Robyn from Rant Mag. Jimmy Calanchini from Whiskey Rebels/ Amityville Horror, Robert Berry of Retro Crush, Jerry Perry from Alive and Kicking, Robbie Percell from Quitter, Skip from Estereo, some KDVS folks, film makers: Kristina & Victoria Rodriguez- Bob Moricz -Jonathan Morken-Laurie Petersen-Brian Darling, Diciembre Gris, Christy and Darin from Trash Film Orgy and Soul Motor, artist Irina Beffa, Erin from News and Review, Adam Miller from the Mallrats, almost all of the Short Bus Magazine Crew, local actors Katherine Pappa and Dave Campfiled, members of Free Hooch Comedy Troupe, the lovely burlesque dancer Cherry Malone, photographer Dan Atterberry...

...thank you all for coming out God will reward you richly for your support, we just gotta give you folks props!!!!!

A special thank to the band Sacramento for rawking the audience and playing at the after party, a thanks to Tom Cox for jammin at all the shows and for the rising star comedienne; a boy named Cheese! And thanks to the Gallery Horse cow and the friends and artists we have there that always support us weather it's helping at the door, with lights, or buying us beer.

If you haven't seen our show yet, please come out, not just because we want to see if you like us or not, but because we want and need more cool fringe arts friends. Thanks what it's all about folks, artists supporting other artists, so if maybe sketch comedy isn't your thing (and if it isn't go suck on a rotten egg) go support another art; music, poetry, dance, your local DJ, whatever, just get out there and help keep the fringe arts alive!!!!! Were all family folks, were just doing different things.... but in the same boat.

Thanks for the love and laughs Sacramento.

xoxo
Amber, your personal pizza delivery girl.
amber@shortbusmag.com

Monday, November 17, 2003

I, too, have heard nothing but praise about this weekend's shows. This could be because none of the people I talked to were the few poor (but hearty!) souls who had to stand to watch Saturday's standing-room-only performance. Every show was jam-packed and everybody was laughing. As a brand-new actress, I couldn't have been luckier to walk into a situation like that.
And what about the UFO art cars and the band Sacramento jamming on the street out front and the police showing up??? And Cheese knocking 'em dead with his morose and sardonic stand-up at the 10pm show? And Ms. Mattie Parfitt taking photos? And the disco ball dazzling after party?
This was not just a show, my friends. This was a happening...
Even though Keith has caught Ben's terrible cold and is surely near death's door, he still beat me to the blog. Yes, I am indeed the rotten egg and I say ROTTEN EGG'S OF THE WORLD UNITE. ROTTEN EGG'S HAVE RIGHTS, ROTTEN EGG'S HAVE RIGHTS!

I digress. This weekend's shows were like wild fire. We sold out Friday, had a standing room only crowd Saturday at 8 p.m. and Saturday at 10 p.m.'s sold out crowd awarded us with a standing ovation! The Puppet Show (also known as the Puppet Show that nearly killed Sid) rocked and rocked hard, UNBORN BILLY went over huge and all in all I've heard nothing but raves about the show (well except for those two ladies in the front row Saturday night who were clearly offended by our antics but hey you've got to step on a few toes on the way to the top. am I right, am I right?).


Sunday, November 16, 2003

HA HA Sid, you're the rotten egg.

Saturday, November 15, 2003

Holy crap, last night rocked it. I had a blast MC-ing, and the show went oh so well. Every skit hit it's mark. This show was ON ON ON!
I'm totally stoked and I feel like we could conquer the world.
Which, as you know, we fully intend to. Mwa ha ha ha! I am EVIL!

Friday, November 14, 2003

It's unfortunate, but logical, that those of us with the most dramatic, exciting lives have the least time to write about them here. (I guess that tells you how wild KLJ and I are, since we post just about every day...)
Less than seven hours until showtime! We road-tested the show last night with some of the most cosmopolitan rock and roll folks in town (members of Quitter and the Whiskey Rebels were in attendance, along with the founder of RANT magazine - all wearing black and looking hipper than you!) They all laughed loud and long. So now we know, if we can impress those jaded cats, we've got a great show.
Amber Kloss just called to say she's taken more than 30 reservations today just through her phone and KLJ says tickets are flying at the Beat. Word to the wise - the Horse Cow is tiny. If you're planning on coming to the show, get your tickets NOW.
See you tonight with my horns a' sparkling!
It sure pays to be mentioned in the paper. Tickets are selling like crazy. We're well on our way to selling out all three shows.
Our website is getting hit like crazy. It makes me sorry this blog doesn't have more drama. Unfortunately we all get along pretty good and none of us has a drug habit, or hooker habit or anything to keep the blog bumpin'. Miles' has a fair shair of drama in his life. We should get him to blog more. Yes we should.
Gonna tear it up tonigh, All right.

Thursday, November 13, 2003

YAY Dorks! YAY Dylan!
HAHAHAHA We did it again. We're dorks
Ahh, that's so cute. Sid and I blogged at the same time. (scroll down).
Hey KLJ-It appears that our psychic link is strengthing-we blogged and posted at exactly the same time....Oooh someone tell Xenophilia...
I was on Dr. Andy's Poetry and Technology hour. I love Dr. Andy. He's the best. I used to work with him, years ago.

Hey, a big shout out to Dylan. He started the first ICBINC fan club. He came out to our dress rehearsal tonight and he'll be helping us gather addys for our mailing list. He's a great guy. Be sure to check out his site, www.geocities.com/notcomedy

I can't bitch that he hasn't updated his cast photo, since I haven't updated the Cast page on our website in AGES. Soon, I promise.
Okay, now I remember why we do this! Dress rehearsal tonight went EXTREMELY well. After the last few days of pure self inflicted torture, nervous stomach and other gastro-intestinal distress that shall remain un-named, it felt sooo good to be on stage and making people LAUGH! Our dress rehearsal audience of about 15 got a great show, we worked out the bugs and tomorrow night it's show time. YAY, I think I might actually sleep tonight. Ahhhhh.
Hey, KLJ - How was your KDVS appearance last night? Which show were you on? Did they interview you, or did you just do yoga next to the microphone?

Dress rehearsal in three hours! I just got confirmation that two special guests from RANT magazine will be in attendance! Everybody be extra punk rock, OK?
The TV appearance was certainly weird. I thought we'd be interviewed and what not, but once the cameras came on it was "OKAY, You're on! Fill three minutes". We had no idea what to do for three minutes, so, we just acted looney.

Tonights the last dress rehearsal. Then tommorow the show. And Saturday it's all wrapped and maybe I can start sleeping regularly again.

Mmmmm, pulled pork.

I picked up the cool art done for one of our skits by the one and only Mr. Lobo and I Jonathan Morken delivered the finished edit of "Bible The Movie". Both look great. I can't wait to put them in front of our audience and hog all the glory for Lobo and Morken's hard work.

Tuesday, November 11, 2003

Oh! I forgot to blog about the pork incident!
Today, after we were on TELEVISION, we went to breakfast at the Tower Cafe. Many of us ordered tofu scrambles, which arrived with a shockingly small amount of tofu. KLJ asked the waiter to bring us an extra plate of tofu, which he did.
Then Sid leans over and says, "I'm not a vegan. I'd like an entire plate of nothing but pulled pork, just a big pile of it." She was kidding. We thought the waiter knew she was kidding, but out came a steaming plate of shredded pork. Not a side serving, but a full meal's worth of nothing but chunks of pig! It was like something out of the meat-eating horror story Robert Berry wrote for me. The carnivorous troupe members tried valiantly to tackle the pork, but barely made a dent. Maybe if Ben Miller was with us, they'd have had a chance.
Did you see me on the television? That was my butt in the air when Keith had us do "downward dog." No, not that butt. That was Sid's butt. Mine was the other one. I also did a very well balanced "tree pose," if I do say so myself. I can't wait to tell our yoga teacher tomorrow!
Amber and I went to the Tone Vendor after our stint on Good Day Sacramento and we got recognized! This guy who was shopping for CDs was like, "You guys did tree pose!" We're so famous!
Tonight we have our first dress rehearsal at the Horse Cow! I'm so excited! The show starts on Friday, and not only will I have the short skirt on - but a brand new haircolor! Yeow! Those of you who watched the show this morning saw a preview of the new hair. That is, if you managed to stop staring at my butt long enough to see it.

Monday, November 10, 2003

So many people said, "Saw you in the paper!" to me today. This is not unusual, since I am published weekly in the Sacramento News and Review. But once my co-workers started saying it, I realized they meant The Bee. Now that is unusual. Even my mom wrote to say I looked "beautiful" in the grey newsprint photo. Moms are nice like that. My mom will be there on Friday night, with her boyfriend and best friends. Hopefully they weren't the special guests KLJ said we were keeping secret.
I also talked to Miss Stephanie Rosscup of Abandon Productions today, who is going to try to get the cast of Aah! over to our 10pm Saturday show, if they're not to tired from their 8pm physical theatre show that same night. ICBINCers, I think we should make a group pilgrimmage to their play, too. It's been extended until December 13 and plays around the corner from my house. I'll make cider afterwards! What say you?
And yes, I was a customer in Mr. Lobo's Cinema Insomnia. I had one line and my official title was "The Customer Who Is Clueless About Burt Convey." I'm not sure I'm spelling his name right (which proves the part wasn't much of a stretch).
Now I'm off to plan my outfit for tomorrow morning's Good Day Sacramento appearance! Did anyone post that here yet? ICBINC will be on Good Day Sacramento tomorrow on Channel 31 between 9am and 11am. Check us out, live from the Horse Cow!
Wow! I just watched my friend Jeff on Ellen, which of course is Ellen Degeneres' talk show. Jeff is her personal assistant and is a writers assistant (which means writer but pays less). The segment on the show involves Ellen trying to hook Jeff up with a lady. Jeff cracks me up. The show opened with Ellen, Jeff and Karen Anderson (my comedy mentor) playing around on little bumper cars. Pretty funny. Damn famous bastards. We're next.


OKAY, THE TV IS STILL ON AND KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN IS SELLING ITSELF AS HEALTH FOOD. JEBUS!

Sunday, November 09, 2003

Well The Sacramento Bee article came out today. You can read it HERE.
I'll put another version up after I get links to a version with photos. The paper has two pictures of us.
less than a week until showtime.

Saturday, November 08, 2003

I got to do some actin' for Mr. Lobo today. I played the evil Cafe owner. Lobo is a Horror host (you know, like Elvira or Vampira). So he films funny bits to be placed around trashy movies. The movie that we were shooting bits for today was Roger Corman's cooky beatnik coffeeshop flick "Bucket Of Blood".
This is one of my favorite films, and I love Lobo's writing so it was fun to do. I played the mean Cafe owner, like I said, so I interrupted Lobo as he tried to introduce the flick and demanded payment for his many cappucinos. He has no money so I make him work and he has to host the show while slaving away for annoying beatnick customers.
I also got to play one of two Matrix- Agent Smith like agents of a Starbucks like coffee chain that is taking over the neighborhood. All in all I had a blast. Miles plays the other agent and Becca plays one of the customers I think. She filmed her parts yesterday.
Fun Fun Fun.
And speaking of Fun, Heidi Ho and Rob Cockerham have both confirmed that they will be attending our shows this weekend. We've also got some super surprise guests that we aint telling you about. HEE HEE HEEE HEEEEE!

Friday, November 07, 2003

"trying to hit KLJ on the head without actually hitting him on the head " wrote Becca.

That's the problem. You should ACTUALLY hit me. That's why I'm in this troupe. So I can get my masochist kicks. I always write skits where I get the smacks. Ask Tom Cox. He's beaten the crap out of me many times.

MMMMMMM, Short Skirt!!!!!
I worked out at the Y for weeks. Unlike KLJ, who lost seven pounds and is looking quite svelte, I lost no weight whatsoever. This week, I stopped going altogether for lack of time. I've been working all day and practicing for the ICBINC show every night and writing articles in my "spare" time - and suddenly I am nearing (my personal) maximum skinniness. It appears I am too busy to eat. I don't think this has ever happened to me before. At any rate, it's good news for you audience members, 'cause it means I'll be wearing the short, short skirt in skit #2. Oh yes. With the heels.
Soon, I am headed to the Java Lounge to be an extra in Mr. Lobo's latest Cinema Insomnia. It's a beatnik scene, so I am wearing a black turtleneck and plenty of eyeliner, with my hair straight and parted down the middle - and I'm carrying a Jack Kerouac book (with James St. James' Party Monster hidden underneath). I think all I have to do is sit in the background and read for four hours. Compared to dancing with a cardboard box on my head for TFO, yelling obscenities for Morken and trying to hit KLJ on the head without actually hitting him on the head for ICBINC; this ought to be a piece of cake. I love the serenity of Mr. Lobo. Yes I do.

Thursday, November 06, 2003

Hey, Robert just put the article that he'd written on ICBINC for Wirehed magazine up on the Retrocrush forum. The magazine folded before the article got to run but it's cool to see the flattering things he writes. I was pretty hopped up on sugar durring the interview. Robert always gives me cokes and cookies at his house and then I'm a spaz. Most of my friends hide the sugary sweets when I'm around and offer me valium as a snacking alternative.
Here's the Article:

If you’re one of those people who remember how good Saturday Night Live used to be, or fondly recall the initial 2 years of In Living Color, it’s probably been disappointing to find an alternative comedy source to fill the void. Luckily, a few hundred Sacramento residents, and soon most of California, have discovered that the I Can’t Believe It’s Not Comedy troupe’s live performances bring to mind the best of television’s greatest subversive comedy shows right in front of your face.

ICBINC was started by Keith Lowell Jensen, Sacramento’s resident writer and funnyman, who has performed numerous stand up comedy dates both as himself, and his sleazy alter-ego Francois Fly. While serving as the host of The Crest Theater’s infamous Trash Film Orgy series, Jensen has delighted thousands with skits featuring on stage eviscerations, live sex change operations, and giant size Godzilla style Monster Wrestling Match complete with the requisite scale model of downtown Tokyo to destroy.

Their shows mix traditional live sketch comedy with modern innovations like live video interludes taped by Sacramento filmmaker Jonathan Morken, and conspiracy laced music from the hilarious Xenophilia. Some of their more popular skits include a boy who confesses his horse-dressing fetish to his shocked parents, and a side-splitting tribute to Mexican Wrestling movies and giant cockroaches (don’t ask, you have to see it to believe it).

When asked why folks should come out and see one of their performances, Jensen replied, “Never mind the art and the comedy innovations. Ben Miller is scantily clad, and Amber Kloss is playing a HO, that’s why I would come and see it. That’s two things consistent in every show.”

They’ve been entertaining local audiences for 2 years now, but they’ll soon be playing dates in San Francisco and Los Angeles. Keith says they decided to take their show on the road, “because nobody seemed to like us in Sacramento.”

So far the audiences have been pretty responsive. When asked to comment on how much laughter they can generate in a night, Jensen replied, "we try to perform close to AA meetings.” When told that didn’t answer the question, he started laughing uncontrollably and wet himself.

Surprisingly, Sacramento is also home of a rival sketch group, The Free Hooch Comedy Troupe. When asked why someone should choose ICBINC over them, Jensen answered, “Shut up, we don’t want to give them any press!” Keith then held a knife to his neck and threatened to kill himself if we didn’t print his motto, “I’m not a playa hata, I’m a playa celebrata!”

You can find out more regarding ICBINC at www.notcomedy.com, to get their latest show dates.
This is the worst part of putting on a show. The week before. So stressfull. You question all your decisions, you worry about your gags working. It's tempting to tear everything down and re-write it, maybe I'll cancel the whole show and just hire some party clowns, hopefully with dancing poodles in tu-tus. HA HA HA HA, I love them poodles in Tu-Tus yes I do!


Hey everyone! I'm so excited to be on the cover of the Retro Crush webpage!!! (www.retrocrush.com) Keep yer peepers open because I'm going to be writing articles about retro party hostessing tips, 50's era dating tips , retro B movie reviews, and sharing retro recipes such as how to make the perfect pistachio Jell-O mold!

Plus the website will be updating my pictures with Amber's 'retro dress of the week' with all my different vintage clothing, and if you've seen my closet you know what I'm talking about!

I'll also be promoting different fringe arts events happenings in the area and I'm thinking of having some of my fellow artists/ friends on as special guests! (maybe Keith as a Barbie collector? Becca the uber poet?)

keep checking it out for more!

Love ya'll! Until them here's a Halloween picture of me as a brownie and my friend and I (as a Japanese anime) at a swing dance Halloween party! And don’t forget to check out the comedy troupe show next weekend! Woo hoo!

xoxoxo
Amber
don't forget to check out Short Bus magazine www.shortbusmag.com

Tuesday, November 04, 2003


This is me on halloween. Aint I gorgeous. The next night I did a simmilar take on The Devil. Hopefull I'll get a pic of that soon.

Damn I'm busy. Rehearsal last night, then home to do some last minute re-writes and to put the show sequence together, comparing notes with Bryna so that nobody is given impossible costume changes. Then today I had to put together my wants and need for the Thursday Night slot that I'll be filling at The Sacramento Comedy Spot. I meet w/them tonight. In between I have to keep the day job going and tommorow I've got to rehearsal again.

Idle hands are the devils tool eh? The devil seems to be keeping mine pretty busy.

Monday, November 03, 2003

Wow what a weekend. Becca read poetry with Xeno supplying soundtrack, and Becca's buddy Frank did some realy cool poetry with a band called Dino Crowley. They played a montage of Kenneth Anger films and some crazy Picasso animation in the background. Great stuff. I was a drag queen devil. I'm really getting into drag. Emily Yay came up with a new term for us sissy straight boys; Faux-Mo. Tee hee.

The Press is realy responding well. Alive and Kicking put our picture in their calendar and Good Morning Sacramento is featuring us next Tuesday. News10 called but they haven't said if they'll do a story or not. The Sacramento Bee is indeed doing a story.

I feel like there's a good buzz going.

Saturday, November 01, 2003

I had so much fun last night. I was a green drag queen for halloween. With purple wig and a shark skin suit. Amber "Cookie" Kloss in her girl scout outfit was my lackey. Bossing her around was great. The TFO was fun. I didn't stick around through the movie though. I headed over to Allen's party. Great times. Video cameras everywhere. My friend Kizzzy's band, "The Pleasure Seekers" were playing and they are fantastic. Allen was running around with his new super duper video camera. He's so mellow now at his partys. I remember the old days when Allen didn't even get to enjoy his parties as he'd run around stressing out. All in all it was a great night. Allen's party is still going. I'm heading over now to have some pancakes and then I'll be back there tonight.

Friday, October 31, 2003

This putting on a show stuff is a lot of work. We put out our press releases, hand delivering them. So far we've heard back from The Bee, they are going to run a story on us, and Jonathan Mum, the reporter who did a news story on us a while back for News10 called to say that he had recieved the press pack. He didn't say if he was going to do a story or not. I ran him a tape that Bob Moricz edited together hoping to show him just how great we are. Mark S. Allen from Good Day Sacramento has expressed interest in doing a story as well, but nothing is set in stone there. I think we'll send them another press release printed on a cake or something. Get their attention. I think the News and Review may be shy about doing a story because one of their own is in our cast now. We'll see.

I've got to be thinking of how I'm gonna get comedians and audiences interested in my show at The Sacramento Comedy Spot as well. I meat with Brian, the fella putting the club together, next wednesday to discuss advertising budgets and such. I've also given notice at my work. I'm gonna swap this day job for another one. I'll be going to work for my friend Allen, who owns the Gallery Horse Cow where we perform. That will happen in January.

Lots going on. And, it's Halloween. Woo Hoo.

Thursday, October 30, 2003

The whole ICBINC gangs is hoppin' this week. Miles and Becca at Trash Film Orgy, Amber has her Short Bus show and ICBINC alumnus Emily Yay and I will be performing in San Francisco as part of Popcorn Anti Theater. WOO HOO.
I hope everyone promotes our new show heavily.
Well, I can honestly say the casting call was the first time I'd ever used that phrase. In fact, I even messed it up a few times and called people "pencil-necked mother fuckers." (Which is a valid insult, but lacks the punch of the original).
In my defense, let it be known that "How would you know, you pencil-dicked mother fucker?" was my only line in the most popular audition scene and my character was supposed to be very angry. So, in comparison to the rest of the time when I was sitting around dozing or reciting the more subtle "fuck you!" banter of the "love scene," I suppose you could say I was perky about the pencil dick part. Sure.
Now tell Jonathan to quit spreading rumors about me, that pencil-dicked mother fucker.

And in other news - ICBINC's own Miles Miniaci and Becca Costello will perform on the Crest stage tonight during the intermission of the Trash Film Orgy with burlesque dancer Cherry Malone! Tomorrow night, Amber Kloss will join us for an ICBINC triple threat dance number! Bet you didn't know we hilarious actors could dance too. See www.trashfilmorgy.com for details and have a Happy Halloween!
BEn and I wen to Jonathan's last night to record audio for the film that Jonathan's doing with us for the new show. Jonathan says you were really into the "Pencil-Dick" line. He said you'd pep up when that line came along. Is this true? Does sweet, hippy girl Becca like to call people Pencil-Dick Mother Fucker's?

Monday, October 27, 2003

I will not be in Jonathan Morken's next film, but I did have the honor of standing in as a reader during the casting call at the Crest this weekend. Not only did I get to shout the phrase "you pencil-dicked mother fucker" about 85 times; I also had about as many Sacramento actors tell me my "pussy wasn't gold." One of these actors was our own Ben Miller, who I don't think was very thrilled to have to say such a thing to me. He sucked it up and insulted my anatomy like a pro, though! Nothing but professional actors here at I Can't Believe It's Not Comedy, folks. We wish Morken the best of luck on his new film, which ought to be available for Sacramento screenings in late January.
Congrats also to KLJ on his new comedy night. I urge everyone to check it out because there is no one in this town who has given more thought to "why comedy can suck" than the founder of not comedy. He's sure to avoid the usual mistakes and create something very funny (or at least make some new mistakes - which would be refreshing, wouldn't it? :).
In other news, KLJ, stage manager Bryna and myself are still hitting the YMCA dern near every morning for yoga and cardio. Go us! In the next phase of our quest for fame, we're getting colon hydrotherapy treatments and joining the Church of Scientology. Then the celebrities will have to let us into their club!
It's become official. I will be hosting a comedy showcase at the Sacramento Comedy Spot which will open on Del Paso Blvd in the next month or so.
I'm very excited about this show. It will be a great mix of Featured Stand Up, Music, variety acts, and open mic comedy. I will MC and we'll be keeping it entertaining.
More details as they become available. Of course my ICBINC cronies will be involved. WOOO HOOO!

Saturday, October 25, 2003

We're looking for some music for the upcoming show. We're without Xenophilia, and we're looking at working with the St. Simon 3, but they won't be available until our SF shows in February. I'm thinking Naked Nathan might do a fine job in the meanwhile. We'll have to wait and see if he's available.
It looks like half our cast will be in Jonathan Morken's next film, Nwar. Some idiot e-mailed a bunch of girls that had been invited to audition and warned them that it was a porn flick. You'd be surprised how many knee jerk idiots just cancelled their audition or no showed rather than ask to see the script, especialy since Jonathan has offered a copy of the script for anyone who wants it right from day one. The auditions are at the Crest Theatre. I don't think many porn film producers are getting to hold their auditions at The Crest. And most would require somewhere a little more tolerant considering what "Skills" they'd be auditioning. Showbiz is less competitive than people think, if you're not stupid I mean. Thank god for stupid people. Example; My friend Brett got a call from a casting agent asking if he knew how to do Three Card Rummy. Brett says "Yes, I do!" She's thrilled explaining to Brett that he's the 30th person she's called. Brett is amazed that 29 people before him said "No". He hangs up with her, calls me and says, "Hey Keith, I got 8 hours to learn how to do 3 card rummy." Brett got a few moves down, did the job, and got the paycheck. Brett's so thrilled about not being stupid.

Thursday, October 23, 2003

KLJ posted the ICBINC poster on the retrocrush message board. Someone wrote, "Why is that girl in the middle holding a ham?"
Apparently, a whoopie cushion is not an immediately recognizable comic icon. Now we know. Truth be told, I really would look that distressed if I had to hold a piece of ham, being vegan and all. Plus, we're hams on stage. So it's ok if people think I am holding ham. I'm alright with it. Really.
Love always,
Ham Gal

P.S. Former ICBINC-er Amy Anne got married today in lovely Midtown Sacramento! Congratulations!

Monday, October 20, 2003


this is our new poster. I'll put the flyers up soon too.

Sunday, October 19, 2003

The garage sale went well. We sold a bunch of crap and handed out some flyers.
Miles contributed a big bag full of REALY dirty cloths, including dirty socks. Where did we find this guy? He's a nutcase.
Surprisingly enough, nobody bought Miles' dirty cloths.
The posters and flyers have been ordered and they're on the way. Woo Hoo. We should have the flyers by Tuesday or wednesday.

I saw Kill Bill. Great stuff. Some incredible cinematography, amazing fight scenes. Super duper japanese animation sequence. It's wonderfull.

Friday, October 17, 2003

OK, so one of my two living rooms is totally full of stuff for tomorrow's I Can't Believe It's a Yard Sale! That's right, comedy fans, we are selling a ton of books, CDs, movie posters (we've got connections to the Crest, you know), kitchen appliances and even a Jerry Garcia action figure still in the box. Woo! Those are some grateful deals! KLJ, Bryna, Amber Kloss and I will be standing on the corner of 25th and O St. in midtown tomorrow, ready to make you a deal. The more you buy, the better our props are for the next show!
See you Saturday, October 18th from 8am-noon at 25th and O St! Haul your booty out of bed. We'll have coffee for you.

Thursday, October 16, 2003

Mmmmmm! Sexy Yoga teacher. Oops, I guess I didn't achieve Yoga. I achieved something though...tee hee hee.
Yahoo is the pits.
I am so sick of their inconsistent service. And I don't just mean their free service either. When I first started putting up web sites I registered my URLs through Yahoo and boy did I regret it. So, don't use Yahoo. Right now I can't get into my e-mail account. At least I can be glad that I didn't pay for that.
I reccommend www.powweb.com for hosting your website. If you use them be sure to tell them www.RockAss.net sent you, it helps me out.

Tuesday, October 14, 2003

I'm going to yoga with KLJ and Bryna tomorrow! You know, all the big mega-millionaire stars like Madonna and Tom Cruise go through their wild youth and then discover yoga and become health nuts. If we just start out with the healthy yoga part, maybe we'll become mega-stars that much faster! Or, maybe we can have our wild youth later, when we've got more resources to fritter away senselessly! Anyway, I've got my mat all dusted off and ready to go.
Del Paso is really coming into its own! Between the flaming scupltures of the Burning Man art show and the liquid light psychedelia live rock and altars at Gizomi, there was nowhere better to be last Saturday night. And now a comedy club, too? Huzzah! An actual art district in Sacramento.

Monday, October 13, 2003

Wow. Working out felt great. Did a little running, played with all the different machines, through the basketball at the hoops a bit. Bryna really liked the Tai Chi, I think I'll try it next time.
My friend Bryan of Free Hooch Comedy troupe is opening a club. They're doing a bit of construction at the moment, remodelling the building. The club will be out on Del Paso, the same part of town where our home The Gallery Horse Cow is located. I'm gonna meet with him on wednesday to see how I can help out with the club. He's a good guy. I look foward to working with him again. We did the 1st annual Sacramento Sketch Comedy Festival together a while back. Hmmm, I wonder if we should do that again. It was great fun.
I'm getting old. I joined the YMCA. I'm going to go work out tonight. Bryna's going to do some Tai-Chi or however you spell it. I don't dance often these days. I don't skate board. I don't do much. So, I joined the Y. I'm actualy excited to be making a move toward gettign back in shape and the Y is less than two blocks from my house, so, I'm gonna enjoy it. But of course I'm almost a yuppie. If I'd joined 24 hour fitness then I'd be a yuppie. The Y has basketball courts. Maybe I'll learn to play basket ball. And yoga. I'm gonna do a-lot of Yoga.
I wish they had Jui-jitzu. I want to do some sparring. I wrestled my friend Steve Thoreson. He's a comedian and he's very intellectual. I always interrupt his act though and make him do his impersonation of bacon. He has been threatening to kick my ass for this for years so Saturday at the Galley Horse Cow's Burning Man show we decided to go ahead and fight. I ended up choking him out, meaning that he tapped because I got him in a choke hold. I didn't actualy make him pass out. I can't be too proud of winning though as the fight started with me jumping on him when his back was turned. I'm a bad person. Yes I am. There will be a rematch I'm sure.
I love fighting. My brother's an ultimate fighter and I guess it's just in the blood. I don't like the anger, just the sport of it. I need more friends like Steve.
If anyone wants to wrassle let me know.

Friday, October 10, 2003

KLJ should have his own weekly comedy night at The True Love cafe. Yeah. That's what I'm thinking. I could feature all my funny pals. I've got contortionists, stand up comedians, Karaoke loving Mexican Wrestlers, and my ICBINC friends. Damn. It'd be the best show EVER! Check out www.Truelovesacto.com to see where it is I'm thinking I'm needed.

Wednesday, October 08, 2003

Jonathan and Ben came over. Jonathan's working on a short film with me and was doing the titles. It's just clips of The Last Supper painting with us doing audio over the top. You'd have to see. It's one of the funnier things we've done. Anyway Ben reminded me of something I just had to shair. Some Jehova's witnesses were canvasing my neighborhood and we're across the street from my house doing our photo shoot. The Jehova's see us and head over but the get halfway accross the street and notice that we're all covered in blood. The freeze. The don't say a word to each other or to us, they just turn, perfectly synchronized away, and move on to the next block.
FUNNY!
I'll have some of the picks up real soon.
Governor Arnold! Oh my god. We're so stupid. I just can't believe how stupid we are. He used the old "I'm gonna sweep California Clean" speach, with the Broom and everything! As Ben pointed out, that one was how they showed that the jackass politician was a jackass in O Brother Where Art Thou. The rest of us laughed at it, but Arnold said, "Oooh, I like that. Yeah, I'll sweep the state."
Why is our memory so short. I can't defend Gray Davis, he stinks, but have we forgotten Pete Wilson. The man whoes mess Davis inherited? And what about our crappy representatives who haven't gotten the budget done on time in YEARS!
The problem is much bigger than Davis and Arnold is know solution. I'm just glad that he ran on a platform of idealistic optimism. I'm hoping that means everyone will get sick of him real quick when he gets nothing done.

Okay, we're not a political troupe, I'll go back to talking about comedy and such. Good Day.

Sunday, October 05, 2003

SO, we started getting the photos done and we're out in this parking lot across the street from my house splattering blood all over ourselves. I asked Irina who did our last flyer and poster to come supervise the shoot so that she got what she needed for the new flyer/poster. I'm too much of a control freak though and I ended up overriding her on several decisions. It hit me last night that what we end up with working this way is either Irina's vision watered down by me, or my vision watered down by Irina. I hate compromise in art. I took the disk of photos this morning, gave them to Irina and said "Here. Design the flyer your way. Do whatever you want. I don't care how you use the photos or if you use the photos at all." She seems excited to be free to do what she does, and I feel better too. I chose Irina for this project because she's such an awesome artist, I don't know why it took my so long to realize what I needed to do. I would like for us to create a whole scene around us the way the Buzzcocks did, the way Sigue Sigue Sputnik did the way Andy Warhol did. And that doesn't happen by having a bunch of artists all compromising themselves it happens by putting the right people together and letting everyone do what they do well.
So, anyway, I feel good. I feel like we're going to get great flyers and posters and like Irina's gonna be a lot happier being our graphics arts person. Hell, she's definately not doing it for the money.
Hmmm, I wonder what we will end up with?
This is an odd show. Probably our strangest combination of skits and anti-skits ever. AND...THE PUPPETS ARE BACK!

Saturday, October 04, 2003

I'm feeling better. I hung out with Xeno and Becca last night. We saw Lost in Translation. What a great flick. After the movie we had some sushi and then the whole troupe met at my place this morning for a photo shoot. First Coffee and Oatmeal, then photos. The photos are crazy. Funny stuff. I can't wait to see the new posters and flyers. WOOO HOOO! Now if I can only get some work done between now and rehearsal on Tuesday.

Thursday, October 02, 2003

Tonight I'm bummed. Xenopilia will be taking a leave from us. I'm not sure if it's permanent or temporary. I will miss them. They didn't join the cast until the Christmas show, meaning we've done three original shows without them and only one original show and the Best of shows with them, but durring that period of time they've really gotten to feel like a part of us. I definately want to continue using live music so I'm looking for someone to provide that. I've got a couple of leads but not a-lot of time and usual my day job suffers when I'm stressing on the troupe and the day job pays the bills so I'm stressed over all, and it sure feels like a big break is right around the corner, so we just got to hang on. We're getting so much positive attention. Ahhhhhhh!

Wednesday, October 01, 2003

We had a good rehearsal last night. A little bit of tension over a skit I wrote with a bit of absurdist gay smut shock value thrown in in the middle. No one was deeply offended but there's the question of Toilet Humor. We obviously don't want to go the shock value route, and oddly enough the skit in question starts with a statement about not doing this kind of humor. But we have our Team Urinals skit set in the a bathroom and it's FAR from toilet humor. So the question on this new one was, did it have some deeper meaning, some context, that made it more than the sum of it's parts, or was I just going out of my way to make the audience uncomfortable. We worked out a way to let me do my piece and to let the other person respond to it, which I think adds more of the troupes personality and is a good thing.
I know this must be strange to read without having the actual skit to refer to. Ha Ha. you'll just have to wait till our new show.
Now I get the stress of balancing what skits go in and trying to give everyone enough stage time. Fun.

Tuesday, September 30, 2003

FIRED? You was promoted woman!
I can't believe I've been fired from my job as the lighting gal for I Can't Believe It's Not Comedy. I can't believe I'm going to dance on stage with Amber Kloss in November. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Monday, September 29, 2003

I really must apologize for Amber's Foul mouthed ways. I don't know what gets into her sometimes. It's that evil punk rock she listens to.
I too am excited about the photos on Saturday. We're doing some cool creative stuff with the pics and with promotions this time around, including putting together a sort of Street Team (I hate that term) to help with getting the word out.
Drop us a line if you're interested.
And if you haven't yet, be sure to check out www.SactoFly.com. They do a great weekly list and have given us much props. Not that a couple of us are involved in the list or anything. Hush your mouth. They did just get a best of from the News and Review. Best Online Source for What's Happenin'.

Saturday, September 27, 2003

NEVER STOP RAWKING! Tee hee! Wow, I had a great time last night, I booked another one of my Short Bus Presents show at the Distillery last night...the bands fucking rocked my socks off, and my mittens off for that matter!

Minus You got in everyones face, and woke up all the drunks sitting at the bar with their hardcore rock and even did their John Tesh cover...ah I only kid, and all the way from So Cal, -and new friends of the troupe-Bleak December arrived in style driving a sort of Short Bus van...how perfect is that? Again...after each song everyone just kinda stood there like they just got hit by a train...hardcore at it's finest...not to mention their dreamy lead singer Jon, 18 never sounded...or looked so good...

Next was the Nits...members dressed in devil and mexican wrestling masks, loud punk rock, need I say more....always a crowd pleaser!!! Lastly the uber fabulous RED TAPE! As always...fucking up the program! The best part was I didn't have to wear toilet paper in my ears this time, 2 weeks before their show I went to their studio to get a sneak listen on some of the new songs they are working on...and left with blood coming outta my ears....my fault on that part...anyway...they tore the place up....Twig sporting his Short Bus Magazine t-shirt too, awwwww!

Keith Lowell Jensen came to the show and we rocked together and sang to Twig one of his old songs his band played he was in when he was 13..'BORED COPS!' aw i think he liked it!

YAY! Tonight I have another Short Bus presents show, I can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And Dan Atterberry, our Short Bus photographer will be taking our comedy troupe pictures next Saturday for our media shots......he rocks ass!

Friday, September 26, 2003

What's even funnier about Keith being on the front page of Bob Moricz's web site holding an ax is that he looks just like a samurai! Something about the hair...
Yeah, it was fun sleeping on the floor with all of you for one night, but I was glad to have the ol' Econolodge king-sized sleeper for my second night in town. I'm nearly 29 - too old for the uncomfortable parts of punk rock living.
Congrats on the notable urination Sid, KLJ, Miles, Amber and Ben "Come On!" Miller. Leapin' Jesus!
I am so excited about the local shows at the horse cow and especially excited I'll be sleeping in my own bed afterwards...
And oh yeah - HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMY ANNE!!!!!! (tomorrow) Come wish her love at Xeno's flash mob on Saturday at noon on the west steps of the Capitol. (see www.xenophilia.com/flashmob.htm)

Thursday, September 25, 2003

WE WON A BEST OF. We got, "Best Urinal Sketch". Our skit Team Urinals, from our first show got the honors. We're quite happy.
I can't wait to get some photos from LA up here. We usualy crowd into Brett "Lizard Boy" Wilson's studio apt, but his apt building manager, our pal Mike (from Pygmy Love Circus) let us crash in an apt that had come up empty. I was giggling as I went to sleep on the floor, with nine other people all around me. It was pretty funny. Total Rock and Roll Lifestyle. Miles felt much better about it as he has problems sleeping in Lizard Boy's place with all the reptiles and bugs, including giant Madagascar hissing cockroaches, yum.



We ended up telling ghost stories till 3am or so on Saturday night (or technicaly sunday morning). This meant we didn't get on the road to head home until 1pm, after a late breakfast at The 101, our favorite LA restaraunt. Mmmmm, I can taste that No juevos rancheros now. And when the waitress brings it to the table and doesn't remember who ordered it I love to say, I have No Juevos! On the way home we had dinner at Pea Soup Anderson's and our waiter was realy cool. We gave him a t-shirt and a copy of Short Bus. The rest of the stretch home I made everyone listen to De La Soul's first album Three Feet High and Rising. Damn that's a good album. Well, now I must be off to the day job.

Tuesday, September 23, 2003

We had a great meeting tonight. We all talked again about where we're going, where we'd like to be in a year and how we plan to get there. We're going to do a show in Sac in November, like I said, and we're going all out with promotions, more than we ever have before. We're also going to focus on getting our demo shot. I'm meet with the film maker, Bob Moricz to discuss the filming. Click his name there to see his website. It's pretty funny that I'm on the front page holding an ax. Tee hee hee. I want to see more film. Not just the filming of our live shows but actual short films. That's where my main drive is.
The meeting was realy cool though because I get a reminder of just what a great group of people I'm working with. We all realy care about each other and about this artform and we're all realy driven to do the best we can and to find a way to do this full time, to make this our lively hood. I never worry that we're materialistic or overly focused on our careers. I know the art comes first, but we all know what we want to do with our lives and that's a beautiful thing.

Monday, September 22, 2003

We played The Derby! ! !
Sold out crowd! ! !
The new burlesque style stuff that we put together just for this show, including a sort of strip tease magic trick type thing went over well.
I'm looking foward to getting a new show of originals together, and performing in Sacramento again. It's been quite a-while since we've played for the ol' home town. So, that's what we're working on. We should have a new show ready to go by November and we'll do it in Sac, SF and LA. No scantily clad dancing ladies but we should be able to get Ben down to his shorts again.

Friday, September 19, 2003

So here we all are at Sid's waiting for Miles to show up so we can leave for LA. We spend a great deal of time waiting for Miles to show up. He's one of the more successfull of us, what with his fancy degree and high faluting career. I tell ya, if he got over his absent mindedness he'd be downright dangerous, he would. Amber, the sweetie she is, brought me some crazy coffee drink she makes with soymilk and LOTS of chocolate so I'm not too unhappy. This is the reason why we leave early, so that when we end up leaving late we're actualy just on time.
And I have to add, The Birthday Party (feat. Nick Cave) is one of the finest bands you'll ever want to hear. When Punk rock got boring Nick and Co came along and breathed some new filth into the scene. Quite nice.
TODAY WE LEAVE FOR LA! I have no idea how I'm supposed to keep my mind on work today when I will be freaking out about getting our show on the road. We're carpooling down, one van, one car. We're well rehearsed and I'm very excited to be taking this big step. Man this is gonna rock! We're booked for Halloween already and we're working on a booking for November as well. If we get November we'll be doing some of our infamous Holiday material. I want to get a December date in Sac so our traditional Holiday show can continue. WOOOOO HOOOOOO!

Tuesday, September 16, 2003

So, as Miles mentioned a few posts ago our beloved Emily is going to take a break from the troupe to decide if this is what she wants to do. The level of success we've reached means we're incredibly busy, but we're not yet busy enough to be making the kind of money that would allow us to leave the day jobs or even to cut back so we end up living with two careers and I can understand wanting to really be sure you want the pot of gold before climbing through any more barbed wire to get to the end of this particular rainbow. HA! I'm a freaking poet.
The GREAT news is Emily will be joining us for a special appearance at our show this Saturday at The Derby. I'm happy about that.
Hopefully Em will sit a show out and then realize she just can't live without ICBINC. Either way, she's so entangled with us since she's my best friends girlfriend now and also my girlfriends bestfriend and she's my former girlfriend and one of my bestfriends. We'll be seeing plenty of her.




Monday, September 15, 2003

I'm back from LA. The trip was a big waste of time and money, I got little done, but what the hell, I had a good time so I don't mind.
I'm anxious about the show. I feel we're totally ready, it's just such a big step with SOOO much possibility. The week of a big show is always hell for me. Headaches, trouble sleeping, that kind of thing.
can't wait to have to go out there and kick the booty.

Monday, September 08, 2003

I'm heading down to LA this week. We'll do a walk through of The Derby, solve any audio amplification problems and figure out the blocking. I imagine we'll do a helluva lot of flyering as well. I can't wait to be doing this show. Many of my comedy heroes did time performing at strip clubs but I figured with the modern day strip club being so lame I'd never get the chance. I do have a couple of friends that DJ at strip clubs, but "Hey guys, let's hear it for Harley and that hot little ass of hers! Does she know how to shake it or what? Alright, we got a great set of tits up next. Let's Make some noise for Summer Rain!" is not my idea of entertaining. That I will get to compete for an audiences attention in between buxum beauties performing real burlesque, why I dared not even dream it! My biography is realy shaping up now. Woo Hoo. It's nerve racking too. Skit comedy is not the usual thing when it comes to burlesque and my original idea was a small show with a bit of burlesque to spice things up. This has ballooned into a much bigger affair, and the skit portion is definately an experiment. I know we can figure out any crowd though, and we've certainly had the practice performing in so many different environments and for so many different crowds. I remember we struggled but then ultimately won over the Sac State Skit Comedy Festival crowd who were much younger than we're used too. I'm sure we'll get these hipsters eating out of our hands. I don't believe there are any troupes in LA playing in this size venue that aren't already doing TV so I'm hoping this will grab us some attention. Fame, here we come.
Why am I so obsessed with fame? Well, I just can't wait to have some creative freedom. To be free from the hours I spend every day working the day job. Fame can be abused in so many wild and creative ways. Give me some fame to futz with and I'll build you a masterpiece.

Wednesday, September 03, 2003

http://www.xenophilia.com/zb/zb0025.htm
Xeno's "Defense Against the Dark Arts" essay. Absolutely brilliant. I just skimmed but am already amazed.
http://christian.debtrelievers.org/
Christian Debt Consolidation. Oh my god, I've seen the light. Thank god the money changers are back in the temple at last.
Jebus, I blogged within' two hours of getting home and saw you, barked orders about flyers, and ran money to the Screaming Catfish kids within the first 20 hours I was home. Somewhere in there I also found time to post on Retrocrush.com, jerk off to internet porn and make cuddle with my girlfriend. What more do you want. A soufle and some ho-made beer perhaps. Get off my back Sudden Infant Death or I'll start telling people about you favorite film. You know the cheap Annie Hall rip off to which I refer!

Tuesday, September 02, 2003

Keith has been back for nearly 15 hours and I've received only one cell call from him and no e-mail! I'm concerned that strange things have happened to our boy wonder while he was out there on the playa and he's turned his back on technology for good. Perhaps all that bootleg Hootie and the Blowfish (and tent sharing with Miles) got to him afterall...
I'm back. I done burnt the man. He all burnt up. I think the event was called Burning Nazi this year because one of the arms didn't work leaving the man with one arm up ala Sig Heil. Pretty silly. Then we got busted for fire works and fined $600.00. Yeah!
I had a great time. Miles and I got to drive one of our friend Carl's Flying Saucer VW Bugs home. It was great having everybody honk and wave and take pictures.
I got to do some time on the megaphone, we started a feud with Dismal, our neighbors on the playa. We sent as many hippies to their camp as we could promising folks that they were gonna be bumpin' some rair Hootie and The Blowfish bootlegs. Dismal then made a stencil with the name of our camp "B-12" and tagged a bunch of shtuff hoping to get us in trouble. Pretty funny. They offered me a ride on their train, planning to drop me at the Trash Fence (verry far from camp) but they were impressed with my heckling so they kept me on the train. I'm all bruised from WRASSLIN'.
If I go back next year my whole purpoise in life will be prankin' on Dismal.
I'll post pictures as soon as I get access to some.
Good to be home. Sid sho nuff took car of business while I was away. Sid takes care of business when I'm here too, but I allways figured she'd fall apart without me calling her 8 times a day and e-mailing her every 15 minutes.
SO, our first LA gig the venue seated 40. Gig number two the venue seated 80-100. Now we're at the Derby and is seats 650. Wow. We're

Thursday, August 28, 2003

Keith is out in the desert burning a man so I felt compelled to blog in his absence. I just watched the clip reel that Bob made for us from the first season's footage. It's really a great reel and it gave me new excitement about the troupe. We put on one hell of a show if I do say so myself! We some God damn funny folks. The reel really represents us well and it's great to see our "friends" Crazy Chicken Tony, Toad-ie, Drag Man, El Tigro Diablo, Naked Man and Jerrod again. Ah, memories... I sent the clip reel off to the Sketch Comedy Festival in SF along with a full packet of press clips.

Michelle, of Velvet Hammer fame, and I are working together to get the flyers ready for the Derby show, yes folks, that's the Brown Derby where the Velvet Hammer and ICBINC will grace the stage together! There'll be a show there with us monthly and the first one is September 20th if yer in that neck of the woods.

I wonder how Keith is fairing out there in the desert without e-mail and a cell phone. Now that's roughing it.

Wednesday, August 20, 2003

Generaly our writing process has involved one of us writing a skit and then durring rehearsal the other cast members may make some suggestions and the skit evoves. Occasionaly the person writing the skit may have gotten the idea from someone else in the troupe or from a bunch of sitting around yacking, many hours in the van going to LA and SF means much yacking. Last night we all got together and had a big brainstorming session. This was GREAT! I wish we'd done it sooner. So many great new ideas. I definately want to do more of this kind of writing. Now we will all divide up the skits and start doing rough drafts but we'll use e-mail and message boards to help each other flesh it all out. We've got some good stuff coming. We're so busy it's hard to say when we'll get a chance to stage another original show, but soon. Soon my little eskimos.
Damn Right, KLJ! The only underpaid employees who should get star profiles are the members of ICBINC!
I Can't Believe It's....nearly time for Burning Man! Thanks to "Keef" for encouraging me to go this year. Between Nate's (of Cheap Thrills, for you midtowners) camp, my friends (& Amy's roommates) Jacob & Stephanie's Love Shack, Allen & Co.'s pryotechnic wizardy, and Em's friends at the Love Posse and Blue Light District, this year promises to be one long performance-cum-ecstatic celebration....oh, yeah! and lots of gay sex in me & Keith's tent! Woo-hoo!

On a sadder note, Em's bombshell really caught me off guard last night--I literally didn't know what to say, which is rare for me. I fully understand her dilemma, though. I also really love my day job; hard as it is to believe, I actually have a lot of responsibility there, and as we saw in LA last time, balancing that with my commitment to the troupe can sometimes be very difficult, indeed. I only hope that Em decides it's something she can accomodate, because I'm going to miss here sorely--I agree that we should keep a spot open for her and that it should be right next to ME! I love you, Em Yay--hope you're reading this.

The future's so exciting, though--I know everyone's all kinds of stoked about the new skits, and on drawing on Becca & Xeno's talents, as well! And the Velvet Hammer awaits...y'know, chicks just can't resist a guy with a STEEL DRUM. Remember....Yes means Yes!

Sunday, August 17, 2003

Celebrity!
I worked for corporate America and I wore a namebadge. I've always hated name badges. I hate when some cleanly scrubbed guy or girl says, with fully good intentions, "Hi Keith! How ya doing?" I give someone my name out of friendship, trust, it's a signifigant thing to me. I don't want it plastered on my chest for any jerk off to come pluck it off and use it. The worst is when they're unhappy and they use it. "You listen to me...(reading name tag) Keith!" I used my middle name when I was working which took some of the sting out of it. I've always wondered if this is what David Byrne was singing about in the Talking Heads' song "Give Me Back My Name".
So I've become obsessed with name tags. Durring my days with The Company there was a big revolutionary trend going on in corporate America. Starbucks opted to call their employees partners. Petco had associates. They all wanted this co-op type feel, like they were worker owned. At my job I changed my name tag to read Comrad. Nobody noticed.
I've noticed now that the trend has turned to celebrity. Jamba Juice has "Stars" making their smoothy. And the "Stars" each get a "Star Profile" that hangs in the store. The Old Spaghetti Factory, Rite Aid and even Taco Bell are following this trend. How Freaking humiliating for these employees. "High I'm a star. Would you like a free boost?" "Um, excuse me, the restrooms will be closed for a minute while I clean them. I'm a star."
Okay. I'm done.
So many shows! It's gonna be strange to not have a show next weekend. Of course I'll be heading off to Burning Man on Fridays so I'll have plenty of distraction. Miles is heading up with me and I expect to have a grand time. The Marsh Comedy Festival was fun. We had a lite audience on Friday but Saturday saw a nice packed house. We performed with Lee Levine out of LA, who is a FUNNY FUNNY man. He realy stole the show. Lee is a good friend of Sacramentan Jeff Cosgrave, a comedian buddy of mine from my Laughs Unlimited days.
We were very well recieved. Thanks to Tom Smith at The Mock Cafe for putting this gig together and for including us.
Next up we are putting together a demo concert film type thing and we are going to do monthly Cabaret shows in LA with The Velvet Hammer. I'm pretty stoked on that. We're going to be associated with one of LA's hottest acts and I couldn't ask for a better career boost then that.
Anyone interested in being in the audience when we shoot the demo should get a hold of us now or sign up for our mailing list.
This Tuesday we're going to have a round table writers meeting featuring the whole cast. This is an unusual approach for us but I think it will yield some very funny stuff.
I'll try writing from Burning Man, but that may or may not happen.

Friday, August 15, 2003

Last nights show was CRAZY FUN! Miles was killer, and the ponk skit went well, I think we all rocked 9 kinds of ass! And then we all got in a big bar brawl, got drunk, knocked out some people, chairs were flying, feet were getting stepped on, it was ruthless, and then we all went home. All this for only $5!
Michael Yager's open mic was really great. Keith has told me so many horror stories about amateur comedy that I was bracing myself for awfulness. The vast majority of people had some funny schticks going on, though. The quality was up there and the place was packed. It's too bad that Michael's moving so soon. I hope someone continues the tradition.
KLJ was right about Cheese. That guy was good. A compelling mixture of funny and creepy that I really dug. It's funny, I didn't laugh at his first joke at the time, but it was the first thing I thought of when I woke up this morning. One of those grenade jokes. I was also disturbingly charmed by the guy who looked like he was in high school but did a little viagra-jingle dance and pointed right at me and winked. I think I actually giggled. Jeez.
So yes, we'll have to go back. And Miles - I'm thinking Rock You Like a Hurricane has a great chorus, but a very slow start. How about that "Living after midnight, rockin' to the door, loving 'til the morning, then I'm gone! I'm gone!" song... if those are the right lyrics. It has that cool "Rollin' rollin'" part. I also think you could do a nod to the fact that Xeno's uncle was in Steppenwolf with a little Magic Carpet Ride or Born to Be Wild. Lastly, I think a Sex Pistols cover would be aces. Rock on, my brother!


Yeah, if I'm gonna continue this steel drum schtick, I've gotta learn another song, I think.... hey, if I knew just two, that would double my repertoire of "funny" songs (the Velvets thing is funny, I guess, but it doesn't have a lot of name recognition, y'know?) Currently, I'm considering "Rock You Like a Hurricane," "Breakin' the Law," "Anarchy in the UK," and "the Immigrant Song," but I'm open to suggestions--any ideas about cheese-factor songs I can "steelify," ICBINCers?
Oh, and just to remind everyone, the steel drum is, in fact, a VERY serious instrument when used in my band, even if most of the originals we're working on now don't include it--but at future gigs (which we're already looking for--*hint, hint,* Amber and Xeno) you can look forward to SERIOUS steel drum covers of OMD and King Crimson.... Gee, those two go together like apples and cheese, don't ya think?

Miles (the birthday boy)